So…where did I leave off last night? I just told ya’ll where it all started right?
So where am I now? I don’t know…but at the same time I think I do know. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? lol!
This post might be little bit shorter because, frankly, my dear, I’m disappointed in myself. Somehow I’ve let the trials and tribulations that I’ve gone through, make me less of a person for Christ. I always hear stories of people who have given praises and did not lose their joy when they went through their refining fire.
Obviously, I’m not one of those people. I guess I could have been. I did try. There were times when I thought I was doing okay, but evidently it wasn’t real because it didn’t last. I’m disappointed with myself, and I feel like a failure of a Christian.
At least I’m being honest about myself and the state where I am, right? My honesty is right now pushing people away. Right now, I do not feel the rewards of being honest about my spiritual state. I feel like being hypocritical is the path of least resistance.
Least attention.
Least disappointment.
But I can’t. Even with the pull of fulfilling the hypocritical Christian walk, something within me says that is not the way to deal with this situation. One my friends has encouraged me to be honest in EVERYTHING. If I pretend, I will fool others, but I will also fool myself, and the situation will not get better. I need to be painfully conscience of my patheticness.
My friend also said that God will get the most glory out of my situation when people see where I’ve been and what HE has done. I do want God to get the glory out of this. I know He will…and I want Him to get all of it. Others who watch won’t know what God has done if they don’t know where I was. He will pull me out of this miry clay. He WILL restore my soul.
Right?
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